Change.

The last time that I blogged I was on cloud nine and so happy and didn't think my life could get any better. A lot has changed since then. I would keep coming back and re-reading my last post and I couldn't bring myself to blog something new because I couldn't figure out how to say that I have had a complete 360 degree turn. Me and Brayden are no longer dating. I guess after two years of not seeing each other we finally realized that we were not the same 16 year old. I'm not going to lie, I was heart broken. But I got over it when I met Danny. He was so funny and caring and made me so happy. Me and Danny dated for the next 4 months and it was one of the most fun times I have had with someone. Some of my closest friends and family didn't agree with mine and Dannys relationship and I couldn't see why until my best friend, Stacey Clark, sent me an email that was a talk from Gordon B. Hinckley. After a long hard month I finally realized that I could not keep waiting for Danny to change and not keep making the choices that he had recently made a part of his life. After many promises of him saying he wont do it again and many promises broken I knew what I had to do. Its been really hard but I know that its what best for me and for Danny so that he can focus on himself. He is moving to Hawaii this week to work on getting the issue fixed and I could not be more proud of him and wish him the best and hope that he can get everything resolved because I know he has the potential of being an amazing guy again. The reason that I decided to finally post about what has been going on in my life, even though it is not the greatest, is because of a really good conversation I had last night with one of my good friends from high school. Me and him got to talking about relationships and learning things from each one. It was last night that I finally realized that I shouldn't be bitter and mad at the boys who have let me down but instead be grateful that I had the chance to date them because they truly did each teach me something about what I want in a husband and what I don't want. From my first boyfriend I learned that it is so important to marry someone that you are best friends with. Me and Sam were best friends for about a year before actually getting in a relationship and because of that we never fought and always could joke around and have a good time. I wish that I could take something positive from my next relationship but instead I learned exactly what I don't want in a husband. But now I can be grateful for those hard 6 months I had with him because if I start to date a guy that posseses those qualities I know to get out and get out fast. Brayden taught me that I actually do deserve someone that cares about me. And Danny taught me so much about both sides. He taught me that I deserve someone that puts me on a pedestal and treats me like a queen. He taught me that I can be myself around a guy that truly cares about me and that he wont judge me and he will think I am pretty even in sweats and a sweatshirt, no makeup, and hair in a bun on top of my head. But he also taught me that I deserve someone that wont give into the peer pressure of the world and make the choices that the church has so clearly laid out that we should not make. I have been feeling so down lately wondering why I have to keep having all of these trials with the guys I date but I am glad to now know that there is a reason. There is someone out there that is going to be everything and more and I know that if someone can make me feel as good as he did that it is going to be one hundred times better when it is the person Im supposed to be with for eternity and I cannot wait for that day to come. But until then I am going to take this time to spend time with my family and close friends and to come closer to my Heavenly Father. All of these hard trials I have gone through have made me a stronger and better person and for that I am also grateful. Its time to be picky about the guys I spend my time with. I know what I deserve and I will not accept any less. Just like President Hinckley said, "Make yourself worthy of the loveliest girl in all the world. Keep yourself worthy through all the days of your life." And this is the guy I will get by being picky. A WORTHY return missionary that holds the priesthood and has a testimony. And I will not settle for less. Its time that I'm the selfish one :)